Evolving Relationships
In the 21st Century

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Jay Whitham and Wendy Nethersole co-founded The Anam Cara Foundation in 2000.

The Foundation is dedicated to helping people to become clear about their true identity and purpose, and integrate that into the essence of their lives.

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The Visioned Relationship - An Introduction

The twelve pieces that comprise this series will explore the possibilities that await us in the new paradigm energy of the 21st century with the emphasis on relationships. In working with individuals, couples, and groups of different sizes, backgrounds, and life viewpoints, as well as in informal conversation with people that we know or meet in the course of daily life, it seems that the issue of, and challenge around, relationships is always a subject that comes up for discussion and one that generates a lot of interest.

While the challenges and dynamic differences in all relationships are vast, most people desire to be in happy, fulfilling relationships and are willing to either enter into a new one or would like to improve the one they have. We will explore new ways that those desiring new or improved relationships can use the powerful co-creative ability they possess and benefit from the influence of the new paradigm energy (which we describe in simple terms as an energy "gift" to our planet that allows us to create what we desire almost instantaneously if we are able to work in harmony with it) to manifest a relationship that brings more to their life than they dare hope and dream is possible. The thing is that hoping and dreaming by themselves are not very effective in bringing us what we want in life, so we must look at new ways to bring ourselves to this process.

We are introducing a concept we call the Visioned Relationship. The Visioned Relationship is created by a couple through a process of "Visioning," which is not the same as visualizing. When we visualize, we engage our conscious mind and our physical self in the process of imagining what we might like or feel we truly want and create mental pictures of our desired creation. The limitations inherent in visualization are centered on the fact that our images and desires can not be greater than our ability to imagine, which is, in turn, limited by our experience.

The process of "Visioning," however, is one where we connect with and receive an expression of what is possible from our Higher Self. We are multidimensional beings. Our spiritual self exists out of time and at many levels simultaneously. As a multidimensional being, the larger part of who we are has a vantage point or perspective that is vastly greater than the limited perspective we occupy in our physical experience, and with that perspective we are able to participate in our creation of the life experiences that most effectively bring us the levels of knowledge and understanding we seek at a soul level.

From the vantage point of the Higher Self, with the ability to know and experience the great Truth of oneness with Source and the compassionate awareness of what can be gained by entering into a physical life experience, we are able to make choices about the lessons we desire to learn, the healing and balancing of karma related to prior life experiences, and the ways that we can best be of service to Source, which means ourselves and every other being in all of the Universes of existence; all manner of creation.

When we "Vision" in partnership with our beloved, we are able to receive a joint vision for our relationship that is in complete consensus, harmony, and agreement as we discover the things we hold most dear as individuals and that we share as common values. We can create a vision of our relationship that offers us not only that which we can imagine or desire based on our current and past experience, but offers us visions of what is possible for us that are far greater, far more glorious than what we might achieve through simple discussion, negotiation, or compromise.

In the Visioned Relationship there is no compromise. Each person is able to completely embrace and commit to the shared vision without feeling in any way diminished or that they have given up some important part of who they are in order to have the relationship they desire. The visioning process is a form of aligned shared meditation. It is a process in which the couple comes together and engages in a dialogue with their Higher Selves, together at the same time. We often think of meditation as a process where we are being quiet, eyes closed, focused on the breath, or whatever. That is usually part of the visioning meditation, but this process is one in which we are also free to speak, to ask questions of the Higher Self and to receive answers, not just to our own questions, but to those offered by our beloved as well. It is a meditation in which we enter into a meditative state and remain there during the entire process, but are also able to engage verbal and other sensory tools to allow us to communicate in a very direct and intimate manner with our own Higher Self and that of our beloved. Through this experience, we are able to touch that perspective and receive the guidance that comes from that perspective, which is only possible from the multidimensional part of who we are. We will explore and describe the "how" of this visioning process at greater length in the various segments of this work. For now, consider the possibilities and what might reveal itself for you and your beloved in such a process.

Another important thing to know about the Visioned Relationship is that it is dynamic; it is able to grow and evolve as you and your beloved grow and evolve. This is your shared vision, no one else's. If it is right for you and your beloved, then it does not matter what anyone else thinks, feels, or says about it. Because it is dynamic, rather than static, you are not at risk of being caught in a "destiny trap," whereby you commit to a vision and then feel that you must live your life in such a way as to fulfill the vision. The Visioned Relationship can be thought of as an etheric model for your relationship. Just as we have an etheric body that serves as the model for our physical body and allows it to heal and return to its perfect, natural state, when we create a Visioned Relationship we create an etheric model that connects us with the creative power of Source. This allows the power of the Universe, catalyzed by the new paradigm energy, to bring us that which we have modeled and to bring it in ways and with an abundance that we could not have possibly imagined. The knowledge that your vision can change and grow as you and your beloved grow together offers a freedom and creative power that must be experienced because it defies description with mere words.

What would a Visioned Relationship look and feel like? As we said earlier, your Visioned Relationship is yours alone. We are not able nor would we want to tell you what it "should" look like. What we can do is share with you some of the elements that express our shared Visioned Relationship with the hope that it helps you to form in your own mind some of the joyous possibilities that you might create for yourself.


In our Visioned Relationship each person recognizes the divine within and the divine reflected in their beloved's eyes. Our Visioned Relationship is one that naturally seeks healing and balance. Each individual has his/her personality and soul desiring to experience growth through creative expression. These gifts are honored and supported by each partner.

Our Visioned Relationship is one in which two people are fully present. They are paying attention and know that every moment is new and alive. There is a strong commitment to building a foundation and communication with love, compassion, honesty, respect, and trust. Such a foundation grows stronger with time and the challenges that naturally occur with the richness of two lives intertwined over many years.

In our Visioned Relationship there is a sensual connection where each partner can become so attuned they can feel the in-breath and out-breath of the beloved. The synchronicity is visceral, yet the touch remains light. There is no need for control. The individuality does not become lost in the presence of the other. There is no need for competition, for each is celebrated and supported for his/her gifts. Each individual is unique, yet the energies of the two are not equal to a sum of its parts. The alchemy of the two creates a blended energy that has a quality and light of its own. There are no games being played for power over the other. Each partner naturally seeks to empower the other, knowing the benefit is mutual. The healing that occurs is multidimensional, contributing to healing all aspects of the self.

In our Visioned Relationship each partner is always willing to communicate openly and honestly about his/her needs both personally and in relationship.

In our Visioned Relationship each partner knows that power over anyone in any form is false power and born of the ego.

In our Visioned Relationship each partner is respectful of the beloved and knows each individual comes into this life with talents and gifts that are uniquely expressed and meant to be shared with the world as their bliss.

In our Visioned Relationship the soul companion, as partner, cherishes and protects this relationship and does his/her best to keep it pure, by owning their own negative emotions (anger, jealousy, hurt, disappointment) knowing that any projection of these onto the beloved is not the Truth of who they are.

In our Visioned Relationship the soul companion, as partner, knows that their beloved is not responsible for their happiness. They are each grateful to be able to share whatever moments of "timeless" time they have been given in this life together.

In our Visioned Relationship we seek to be the Anam Cara. This beautiful Celtic concept and expression literally translates from the Gaelic language as "soul friend," and means one who is nurturing to ones' own soul and the souls of others. As we align our heart and mind with intention, envisioning the qualities in relationship we desire to co-create, we have the potential to manifest a relationship based on our highest ideals. This is part of our version of a "Visioned Relationship."

From this greater perspective, we co-create our lives by accepting full personal responsibility. This means taking action in thought and deed to nurture ourselves and to honor and respect this growth process in our beloved as well. As partners in a Visioned Relationship, not only do we vision the blessing of Anam Cara, or "soul friend," and nurturing for ourselves within; but we must also act and respond to our beloved as "soul companion." An Anam Cara as "soul friend" and "soul companion" pays attention with all of their senses and intuition.

There is a blessing in relationship. And we are all in relationship, whether we are living single, married, or in familial partnership with another human being or living creature of any kind.

Ideally we would each come into relationship knowing our wholeness and perfection, with no expectations that our partner needs to change in any way in order for us to be happy. Ideally, we would each take personal responsibility for creating our own joy-filled lives.

However, as many of us can attest, it is not always an ideal world. We live in a world of vibration and polarities where we will always attract the partners that will best serve our growth from our soul's point of view. Growth means change. Change usually comes in the form of challenges. The difficulty is in recognizing the challenges as opportunities.

Relationships are powerful vehicles for manifestation. It is up to each of us to vision that which we wish to create in our lives, including our soul mate, soul companion, or Anam Cara.

One of the great powers of love is balance; it helps us move toward transfiguration. When two people come together, an ancient circle closes between them. They also come to each other not with empty hands, but with hands full of gifts for each other. Often these are wounded gifts; this awakens the dimension of healing within love. When you really love someone, you shine the light of your soul on the beloved. (Excerpted from "Anam Cara" by John O'Donohue)

In our evolving relationships of the 21st Century, all of our challenges revolve around balance. In relationship we are balancing the masculine and feminine. We are balancing karma. We are balancing our emotions, our desires, and the fulfillment of our needs as we perceive them. As multidimensional human beings, all movement towards balance is healing. Multidimensionally we are healing on many levels. As we are all connected, we must remember we are healing ourselves and in partnership with Spirit we are healing the Earth planet. This is the gift, the challenge, and the blessing of the Visioned Relationship in the 21st Century.

2005 Jay Whitham and Wendy Nethersole

For more information about individual and couples spiritual life counseling, workshops, and classes, please visit:


or e-mail anamcara@comcast.net

Telephone: 941 924-4756
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Editors note:

We are honored to have Jay and Wendy's participation and contributions to Pathfinders and look forward to learning of the ways our readers have benefited from their articles and guidance.
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