Evolving Relationships
In the 21st Century

Article Five

with the Higher Self
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Jay Whitham and Wendy Nethersole co-founded The Anam Cara Foundation in 2000.

The Foundation is dedicated to helping people to become clear about their true identity and purpose, and integrate that into the essence of their lives.

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Visioning: Communicating
with the Higher Self

We, as conscious free will beings, have been blessed with a gift of unimaginable power and beauty. This gift also reflects the sometimes unsettling truth that we, alone, are fully responsible for its use and the result we achieve. The gift is the creative power of mind.

We might envision this creative power of mind as an endless pool of passive creative possibility. It possesses the power to bring into being literally anything that it is directed to create but it does not, on its own, initiate the creation of anything. It is the direction that it receives from Spirit (our life force expressed as our intention, emotion, and belief) that causes it to create.

Consider then, how we might choose to use this gift in our life to create what we desire to have and experience. How do we go from realizing, and ultimately accepting that we possess this power, to using it to bring into reality the result we desire? We (the authors) do not profess to have "the" answer but we do offer, based on our own experience and understanding, "one" answer. It is called visioning.


Visioning is a powerful process that can be used by each of us individually to help us create the model for our desired life experience. When used in an aligned meditative process with others it allows amazing results for all of the participants in revealing solutions to challenges, and possibilities for new outcomes that could not have been imagined or negotiated at a purely mental or emotional level. It offers us the opportunity for true consensus rather than compromise.

What does visioning have to do with relationships? In a word-everything. As we go through life we spend a lot of time planning. We make plans for our education, career, finances, family, our vacation, etc. When we want to create something we usually create some type of plan. We plan our garden and what type of plants we will grow and how to lay it out. If we want to build a home we develop plans that incorporate our needs and wants, reflect our tastes, our chosen lifestyle, and large doses of our wishes and dreams.

With all of this planning and visualizing, how much planning or vision do we put into our relationships? Maybe some, but generally speaking, compared to all of these other parts of our lives we really do very little. For some reason we have come to expect that our relationships are meant to simply happen; that we can go from day to day, and simply react to the situation of the moment; that somehow this should be adequate to produce a satisfying, nurturing relationship experience.

If we do plan our relationships, it often tends to take the form of creating expectations of others based on what we want from them. If only they would cooperate (being and doing what we want) then everything would be great. Or maybe we sit together and negotiate a series of compromises as to who will do, or not do, what; create a set of “rules” that are designed to help us live in peace and harmony together. You may have experienced this, or something similar in your own life. Did it work to bring you the quality of relationship that you desire deep in your heart? If you are reading this, the likely answer is no.

What if there was a way for those seeking to be in relationship to create a model for that relationship that would allow each person to fully express what they desire? To feel truly heard and respected, while honoring our wholeness and that of our partner? What if there was a way to create a genuine consensus about all of the most important aspects of desire that each of you wants in your lives, as individuals and in your relationship with each other? What if there was a way to maintain deep, intimate communication and have a way of addressing conflicts and meeting challenges that does not require either person to “give in” or feel disempowered? We believe that the Visioned Relationship process offers a way to do these things.

In the Visioned Relationship process we have incorporated aspects of visioning and aligned, shared meditation to develop a way for those seeking fulfilling, harmonious, passionate, and truly intimate relationships to create energetic or “etheric” models for those relationships which, in turn, allow the creative power of the Universe to make them a reality. It is a process that requires mutual commitment, responsibility, and compassion, but it offers rewards greater than words can express.

Visioning vs. Visualizing

When we discuss the process and power of visioning, it is often confused with visualizing. Visualization is a powerful tool in its own right. When we visualize we are also creating a model that acts on the force of creative mind. Whether we visualize something we want (a car, house, computer, etc.) or visualize something we want to do (accomplish the perfect golf shot, skating routine, or oil painting) we are creating a mental image or vision of what we want. If we hold that image in our mind, infuse it with strong emotion, and believe we can have it, the power of creative mind responds as its nature requires and helps to bring our image into form. Visualizing incorporates our idea of what we want and requires us to see it as already present. This is, however, a limited perspective because our vision is focused on images and desires that cannot be greater than our ability to imagine, which is, in turn, limited by our life experience. If we seek solutions to challenges through visualization we are limited to those solutions that we can “think” of because we are using our mental faculties, which function in the limited perspective of the third dimension of thought and form.

Visioning is different. When we vision we align with the highest aspect of our consciousness, our Higher Self. The Higher Self is vast in its perspective and, because it always knows and experiences itself as one with Spirit, has access to all possibilities. It is also fully aware of our divine purpose and the highest good we have come into this life to experience. When we align and connect with the Higher Self we are easily able to receive its guidance and information, which totally supports our purpose and the truest expression of who we really are.

Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith, a pioneer in the use of visioning as a tool for group work, said, “Visioning always begins with a deep sense that we're surrounded by unconditional love. We enter into the conscious awareness that we live, move, and have our being in this unconditional love, and we open ourselves up to what that love feels like. I don't mean just emotionally, though. The feeling tone we develop is of a spiritual nature, and this feeling is the whole foundation of visioning.”

It is from this place of awareness and feeling that we then declare what we are visioning about. We can pose any question, describe any problem or challenge, and ask for the vision that offers us possibilities to reveal itself. It may come in words, images, feelings, metaphors, symbols, or simply knowing something. We can write down what comes, dialogue and explore, and let the vision emerge.

When we learn the process of releasing our challenge to the divine consciousness without expectation or pre-conceived ideas about the solutions, we are able to simply be in that space of love and let the guidance be revealed to us. With visioning, as we surrender to the infinite, opening ourselves to the divine power of unconditional love, we are attuning ourselves to the Universal vibration or frequency. Access to this level of communication brings great wisdom to those who are listening. We always have the ability to see our challenges as opportunities and to seek insight and guidance from this higher aspect of our being. It is our choice.

Continued use of this form of communication strengthens our awareness of the profound relationship with the divine that is available to all of us and attunes us to using this tool as a way of life. When visioning, we are not trying to make anything happen. Visioning is about surrendering and listening to the divine within, trusting that from the “All that Is,” the source of unlimited possibilities, an answer or solution will be revealed. What is revealed will often be so far beyond what we can imagine that it can truly be described as awesome.

Visioning Together

While certainly visioning is a powerful tool for individuals to use in creating the life experiences they desire, it is particularly powerful as a way for two or more people to receive information and guidance that will help them reach a solution, in true consensus, to any problem, challenge, or question.

Visioning in a shared, aligned meditation allows two or more persons to connect and communicate at the level of Higher Self and jointly receive the guidance of Spirit through the merging of the higher energies. Those who have aligned themselves for a common purpose to receive guidance about that purpose will find that new possibilities and ideas flow freely without the distraction of more ego level concerns such as competitiveness, needing to be right, or fear of judgment in expressing one's truth.

Most often we think of meditation as a process where we remain quiet, eyes closed, sometimes guided and sometimes not. With the aligned, shared meditation and visioning process, there is an ebb and flow where the participants ask questions or make requests for information directed to the union of Higher Selves. After each question or request is verbalized, there is a space of allowing, where all senses may be engaged to “receive” the answer. You may hear it, feel it, see it, or simply experience a knowing. Trust what comes and write down your impressions. Once all of the questions have been asked and insights, impressions, symbols, ideas, and other forms of guidance have been received, it is possible to remain in the meditative state and engage in a dialogue that allows those involved to explore the information and its meaning, which sometimes leads to more questions, and the process begins again. When the dialogues are complete for that aligned meditation and visioning session it is appropriate to acknowledge your Higher Selves for the love shared and information given and thereby “close” the session.

Applying the Visioning Process to Relationship

This application is the essence of the “Visioned Relationship.” The Visioned Relationship is a new model for developing relationships. It is new because, in this model, the unified Higher Selves of the participants act as a constant partner in communication and decision making. Visioning begins with the recognition that we are surrounded by the divine presence that is Universal Spirit, infinite, and unlimited. This unlimited presence is pure Love.

The individuals in a Visioned Relationship recognize and acknowledge the unlimited power of the divine as a partner in the equation of their relationship. Evidence of this acknowledgement is their commitment to meet all of their life challenges, as they relate to their relationship, through dialoguing with their Higher Selves.

Every living being has an etheric body that sustains itself as the perfect model for the physical body. It is this energetic model that a physical body uses to restore itself from injury or illness in the process that we call healing. While we tend to take this truly miraculous healing process for granted, consider the amazing fact that if you cut your finger, break a bone, or contract some type of illness, your body is able to reverse the trauma and restore itself to wellness. Imagine what life would be like if we could not heal-we very likely would not survive.

In a Visioned Relationship the visioning process allows for the harmonious blending of the energies and intentions of two people in an intimate relationship or partnership. The intention is for the partners to join together, with conscious will, commitment, and openness, to create the equivalent of an etheric body or energetic model for the relationship. Working together, the needs, wants, and concerns of each person are explored and expressed. In a series of aligned visioning sessions, guidance, solutions, and inspiration are asked for and received. From this process, the partners are able to create a clear vision of what and how they want the relationship to be. In this etheric model the intentions that are its framework are made in consensual agreement. In this way neither partner feels he or she has been forced to compromise anything for the sake of the relationship. The relationship model is “visioned” into being.

There are no issues, concerns, challenges, or problems that will not yield to this process. When it appears that no consensus is possible, it simply means that a higher perspective is needed. Having created an etheric model for the relationship, it is possible to meet the challenges that all relationships face and, in much the same way a body heals itself, let the etheric body of the relationship serve as the perfect model that allows it to heal. The difference is that you and your beloved are consciously and actively responsible for making that happen.

Relationship as a Spiritual Path

For many, the conscious spiritual path of “relationship” is the chosen path for personal and spiritual growth. The Visioned Relationship model allows for and encourages growth. It is a dynamic model in that the only fixed aspect is the commitment of the individuals involved to communicate from the level of the Higher Self. When life changes occur, the intentions the partners have created (through consensus and dialogue with the Higher Self) can change with their new priorities, as they may, for example, when children are born, careers shift, or partners age.

In upcoming installments we will explore and discuss how to do this process in more detail and offer some guidance about ways to structure and use the information received in creating the etheric model. We feel very strongly that understanding the essence of the process, what it is and why it can work, is essential for achieving the best possible results. We hope that now, with some understanding and insight into the process as we have explained it, it is easier to understand why, in earlier installments, we placed so much emphasis on the importance of doing your personal work before starting this process. Trying to engage in this level of shared spiritual experience without a solid sense of wholeness-knowing your personal truth: your intentions for your life, your purpose, your vision-would severely limit your capacity to release yourself to accept the divine vision of your own life and your ability to accept and celebrate the same thing in your partner.

Of all the experiences we can have as human beings, there are few, if any, that are greater than the experience of a truly fulfilling, intimate relationship where each person is encouraged and supported in being the truest and highest expression of who they are; and to feel absolutely loved and safe in expressing and revealing themselves to their very essence. This is the true gift of the Visioned Relationship.

Anam Cara offers workshops to help facilitate the "action steps" listed here.

© 2005 Jay Whitham and Wendy Nethersole

For more information about individual and couples spiritual life counseling, workshops, and classes, please visit:


or e-mail anamcara@comcast.net

Telephone: 941 924-4756

1  By Kathy Juline. This interview originally appeared in the December 1996 issue of Science of Mind ® magazine.
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Editors note:

We are honored to have Jay and Wendy's participation and contributions to Pathfinders and look forward to learning of the ways our readers have benefited from their articles and guidance.
© dwij 2005
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